dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
