his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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