I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yo dont text me then not text me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
