White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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