I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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