found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
