The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
