I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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