i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
