Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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