I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
