bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
