Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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