Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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