Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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