I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
