Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
