One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
