why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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