It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
