In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
