I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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