So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
