hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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