I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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