its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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