I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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