Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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