Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
