Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
