Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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