If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize