You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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