Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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