I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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