So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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