So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
