I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
