In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize