What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
