the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
