I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
