Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
