I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
time to smoke my breakfast
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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