where does the pee come out of this thing
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
