On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
