woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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