Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
