found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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