so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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