How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
