I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
