I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
