how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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