i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
