Have you finally orgasmed yet?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Come on in and take your pants off
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