So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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