Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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