Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
