The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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