Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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