Say something about gay babies.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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