I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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