what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh god it's open bar.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
