my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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