I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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