If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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