His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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