I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
4 words: hood of his car
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
