i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
