We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
