their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
