Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
